Plenty more fish in the Tinder

What you are about to witness is a rant about dating, from somebody who is pretty new to the game, and already pretty bitter and twisted about it.

First of all, dating is everything rubbish about conversation.  You're forced to sit across from somebody in a desperate sort of interview situation, trying to sell a version of yourselves you think the self assured creature sat opposite you will find sexually appealing, or at least want to spend time with.
You know nothing about this person. If it isn't somebody you're already familiar with, the night must begin with a lubrication of the social skills through alcohol, until you both feel none-awkward enough to discuss some actual interests you have put the feelers out on, that they might share.  Quick Game of Thrones reference. Confession to a Battle.Net account. Commonly, they don't, and they're judging you. Or you're judging them. The first drink, it's always, all about the judgement.
They can sense your nerves, They can tell that you're not being yourself, you grasp at conversation with sweaty palms that just slip away at the threads of something that they might have deemed interesting, but you never paid enough attention to know the details, or understand the underlying jokes. They're learning that you're easily bored, lack commitment and aren't really as interesting as your friends, or Tinder, or whatever app or channel might have suggested.  

You make your excuses about needing an early night, even though your stories and attitude scream out 'irresponsible school night drinker', the lie fixes and you head home, five drinks later. Somewhere in the darkness of an almost drunken haze, they'll always make a lunge for your face, or offer for you to come back to theirs - That's a joke right? The awkward dodge into a hug, and the polite decline have become an artform in a world full of beautiful, disinteresting creatures.

Men fear the friendzone - Trust me. It's the least dangerous place to be. Friends, are awesome, and enjoyable people that girls love spending time with. Dates, are boring, and eventually you realise that nobody is really as unique as they think they are, and they all have the same goals, dreams and 'interests'. You don't travel - You've been on holidays. Yes, you cook, so do I, we all have to cook or we'll starve to death.

Stop trying to impress each other world. Let's be honest and tell each other how truly dull and human we all are, and stop trying to sell each other sexual caricatures of our actual selves.

Bloglovin'

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Apparently this is how I activate my blog on a pretty decent website that Lisa told me about. It's mostly so that I can peruse other people's blogs and see what's going down in blogland. But it's nice to be on there. It's called Bloglovin', if that helps. Sorry that this is a very pointless post.

Today's finds

Two things that I found whilst perusing the internet today, that I feel the world should see:

Excellent little video of the most beautiful, precise projection mapping I've ever seen.



And a brilliantly crafted animation, done to some kick-ass music, of some really innovative typography. Lots of my favourite things rolled into one.


Textures from We are Maniacs on Vimeo.

A meander through beaten tracks

Our mission for the morning for new year's eve was to find our way to Somerset House, and the Guy Bourdin exhibition. For those of you unfamiliar with his name, Guy Bourdin 'Image maker' was a film fashion and advertising photographer, for Vogue etc in the late 70s and 80s.

He strayed away from traditional imagery and created obscure, challenging pictures that disturbed and delighted the viewer by breaking down visual expectations.
He was also the only photographer, besides Helmut Newton, that had total creative control of his images when they went to print at Vogue, right down to the crop dimensions.
But that's enough about the feller, if you want to find out more, there's a whole exhibition of his work just dying to be seen by you. It's one of the better value exhibitions I've been to, at £9 for adults and £7 for concessions, with a large range of his work and background information, giving a greater context to his images. Otherwise, I would've thought he was a bit more raw than he was, as is the style of his photography. You have no idea how much work went into his images, it's all incredibly carefully planned out.

Here are my favourite bits and pieces from there, I was careful not to take too many photos as I wanted to actually take in the information in front of me. Also it really aggravates me when people gaze at what's in front of them through their smartphones, it all gets a bit Black Mirror for my liking.

This one in particular caught my attention, as at first I thought it was an image of burns victims - so naturally it drew my darker interests in, as I wanted to know why... On further inspection of the image, I discovered that this, on first appearances destructive bit of imagery, was in fact two people totally encrusted in black and red gems. It's actually quite beautiful. You can also see through the annotations above and the image below, the difference a crop can make. Bourdin was into the square frame before the world had even thought the word Instagram.

The below image is just great, I love it. Alongside this one was a whole range of contact sheets and different shots, actually dozens of different processes and compositions of exactly the same thing. Guy Bourdin's perfectionism was admirable.

However, as with all great adventures, the most exciting parts came when we strayed from our original path. 

We chose not to navigate our way to Somerset house too accurately, opting instead for our built in senses of direction. As it turns out this is a sense that is as lacking in both of us. We did, whilst lightly lost, manage to find quite an interesting exhibition in Korean silversmithing. Yeah. You read that right.
It would've been pretty average. It would've been pretty tame, and filled with pretty, slightly interesting stuff like this:

Double sided drinking goblets.

The fake smile scarf 'To symbolise the oppression of the minimum wage worker'... Heavy.

But the Koreans are an oppressed race so naturally there had to be one letting out years of severe emotional beating, and trauma. Thankfully, we gave the exhibition our full attention, and look how delighted Lisa was when we discovered the final hidden cabinet in a little alcove where nobody should ever have found it:

This was twisted, and brilliant, and I want it all.

This girl's whole deal was that she sliced up children's toys and reformed them into hybrids, casting some parts in silver. There's more images on Lisa's blog, I was too transfixed by the insanity of it all to properly hold my camera without shaking from laughing. Oh, and the exhibition was free. Look for it, just for this, they're so good.

This blog post has not been in chronological order, so I'll tell you briefly about the last visit we made after the Guy Bourdin, to another exhibition in Somerset house called 'The Unseen Emporium'. It was very hidden away, and difficult to find (hardly ironic, but almost there), and it was a small shop selling products that had been treated to react to light, heat, air pressure... So there were quills that turned from black to vivid green the more elaborately you wrote, and clothing that would absorb light throughout the day so that at the end of the day you'd be wearing a totally different colour to the one you started the day in. 

I think the word amazing is completely overused. But this was, truly, amazing. I recommend it highly. It's just a shame all their branding and messaging is so full of meaningless drivel. Seriously. What does this even mean:

I am pretty resistant to bullshit at the best of times and this really did rub me up the wrong way. But if you can see past this rubbish... It really is worth having a look at. 

And if anyone wants to buy me one of their candles, it's pretty high up on the wish list right now...

So there you have it. There's plenty to discover in London if you don't know where to look.

After this point we went to the pub. It was new year's eve. We're not that civilised. 

Smokin'

These bad boys made their way into my life over the Christmas period, thanks to my family being fully aware of my leanings towards intense flavours and alternative cooking methods.  I'd never cooked smoked food before, so being the risk taker I am (I do live life on the edge. Entertaining people at dinner without first trialling the recipe is completely insane), the decision was made to smoke up some meats on Saturday night.  One of the friends I had over used to work in an American style smokehouse with me, so it only seemed right.

I won't bother giving you a full on recipe breakdown, as you can literally throw anything into these and it'll taste delicious. My personal choice was chicken thighs wrapped in bacon - I find that chicken thighs are a tastier, more tender cut than breast, and bacon just makes everything better.

The smoking wraps were actually incredibly easy to use, if a little alarming. They were essentially just very thin strips of wood that you wrapped your food in, after soaking them for five minutes or so. I assume the moisture is key to unlocking the flavours within the oven.  It was a little disconcerting that the instructions on the pack told you to keep a spray bottle on hand though... I did spend the full 40 minutes of cooking time very on edge, aware that my oven could combust at any second. It gave my guests great pleasure to see me so concerned.

I served it all up with roast carrots, butternut squash and sweet potato. A delectable orange feast. The key to crispy sweet potato fries by the way, is to soak the fries for half an hour or so before you roast them. Cheeky little tip for you that might just help you in life. Also, if that fails, chuck a little dusting of parmesan on for the last ten minutes of cooking, and let them cool slightly before you serve them. Perfect.

Oh and one last thing. The smoking wraps are very exciting on a plate. Clearly my vegetables aren't, 'cause they were just a side thought really... Just remember to leave a really sharp knife on the table.

If you do want to give these a bash, they can be found at Whole Foods, or if you're not as posh in your location, give a Google to the brand on the picture above and I'm sure you'll find a stockist.

Next on my mission list is earl grey smoked fish, 'cause apparently it'll ruin all other food for me forever. I do feel like that one will just burst into flames though. Wish me luck.